Derricks's First 4 Weeks

I was going to do a blog of Derricks's first week, then 2 weeks, then 3, etc., but the weeks just kept going by and I never could seem to find the time (go figure...a 21 almost 22 month old and now 4 week old).  So, here I am finally getting around to it and Derrick will be 4 weeks old tomorrow!

I don't really know where to start.  The past 4 weeks feels like a whirlwind.  Everyone tells you how time flies when you have children and it is so true.  But, that's why I try to spend every day soaking up simple moments and thanking God for the precious gifts he has lent to me to raise, love and teach.  And that is what Derrick is...our second precious and perfect gift from God.  Born at 8:17am on April 30th (sharing his birthday with Aunt Pammie) via C-section, this child weighed in at 8 pounds and 7 ounces.  Whew, after what seemed like an agonizing decision, I'm glad we decided to go with the C-section instead of v-bac delivery.  I can't even express how I felt when Bryan laid Derrick in my arms for the first time.  I looked at him and thought, "what perfection".  My second thought was, "look at all that hair!" and my third thought was "wow, he's a big boy!".  You see, Hannah was quite the little bit, lost weight and then stayed in the 3 percentile for weight for the next year.  I struggled with nursing Hannah since  we had to get her tongue clipped at 1 week old, but we worked at it and kept on for a year.  This guy was a pro at nursing from day one.  It's like he came out asking..."lunch please!".

After a few hours of family visiting and holding Derrick and then Bryan and I getting some alone time with him, we had a week of uncertainty with our little guy.  We noticed that Derrick's left eye seemed a little swollen and that he didn't open it much.  I didn't think anything about it at first, because I remembered Hannah looking a little swollen that first day too.  Our pediatrician came that afternoon and after examining his eye, immediately called an eye specialist to come in and examine it.  I just remember the doctor's words of "this is not normal".  I immediately started praying in my heart for our little guy and asking God for peace that can only come from Him no matter what.  Well, they ruled out cataract which was a good thing because it can cause blindness in both eyes and Derrick would have immediately had to go into surgery. They also ruled out any kind of syndrome since the right eye was normal. Then they said he has an underdeveloped eye, but don't know what caused it and we don't know how much vision he will have in that eye.  Then we heard the dreaded word that no parent wants to hear...tumor.  Bryan and I just looked at each other blankly. The pediatrician told us that if it was a tumor, that they would start chemo and radiation immediately.  I felt like I was in some crazy nightmare where everyone around you is moving and talking, but it seems as if you are in slow motion.  They never said for sure it was a tumor, but that it was a possibility.  They got us in at Vandy hospital in Nashville the following Monday when Derrick was just one week old.  Bryan and  I prayed together at the hospital and although the possibility seemed horrible, we both just looked at each other with peace.  God had immediately answered my prayer from earlier in the day...to give us peace no matter what.  We decided that since they said it was a possibility and not for sure a tumor, we decided to tell family and friends about the underdeveloped eye and our Vandy appointment, but not mention the tumor possibility.  We just told everyone that we were headed to Vandy to find out the cause of Derrick's underdeveloped eye and where we go from here.  And of course asked everyone to pray.  As the specialist at the eye center looked at Derrick and quickly started explaining that his eye didn't form around week 8-12, my immediate thought was, "what did I do to cause this?"  The specialist quickly said that it wasn't anything I did, but just our "bad luck".  I looked at the doctor and said "God created Derrick in His image".  And I believe that.  The specialist then went on to say that there was no tumor (Praise God!), but that Derrick would probably have little or no vision in his left eye.  He was confident to say that he would live a normal life, doing everything from playing sports to driving with no limitations.  Derrick will have to wear safety glasses at times when needed and then somewhere between year 2 and 3, he will be fitted for what Bryan and I are calling a "contact"  that will cause his left eye to grow along with his right eye and it will be colored to match his right eye.  Bryan and I left the hospital rejoicing in God's goodness and mercy.  We got home that night praising God that we were cuddling our baby boy instead of seeing him hooked up to tubes and going through cancer treatments at Vandy.   Don't get me wrong, I have cried tears of grieving over the loss of my baby not having vision in one eye, but then I read the verse that surrounds his room "For you formed my inward parts.  You knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:13-14.  So along with crying tears of grief, God has given me such joy in the certainty of His sovereignty.  God also reminded me that He was preparing my heart for this months before Derrick's arrival.  I always listen to focus on the family in the mornings while I am cooking Hannah's breakfast and for several days it seemed to have shows about children with special needs.  One show in particular had a couple on that was sharing their story of two children that were both born with a rare disorder and both went on to be with the Lord around age  6 months.  I remember crying in my kitchen over the eggs thinking "Lord, I hope this never happens to me, but if it does, I hope that I can have the faith and trust in you that this couple has".  Of course, I realize that Derrick's eye is nothing in comparison to the tragedy that this family went through.  But it brought me to change the way that I pray.  It brought me to ask God how I should pray.  On Wednesday mornings I meet with a group of very faithful moms that get together to pray for our children, our schools and community.  I remember one morning as I was praying for Derrick...for his development in my womb and for his salvation, that I was prompted to pray for God to form him in His perfection, not necessarily what we as humans think of as perfection.  Of course, we all want our children to come out with everything working properly, but we are faced with the question of did God not answer my prayer, if it doesn't turn out just like we thought.  I mean, what do you do when you pray for your child, but they do end up having a tumor, or autism, or some rare disease.  We come face to face with who we believe God is.  I believe God forms every child exactly as his will in heaven is.  In fact, I believe that God is sovereign in all things, even when it hurts...especially when it hurts.  And I know that it would only take a breath of the Holy Spirit to heal Derrick's eye (even though medically it is impossible).  But our prayer is that either way, God will receive Glory from Derricks eye. The other thing that God has shown me through my precious child is how truly selfish I am.  To be at Vandy and get a glimpse of what some of those children and families are going through everyday, made me open my eyes to the hurts of other people.  Unless we are going through something or have a possibility of going through something, most of the time we just don't see the hurts of others...or I don't.  But hopefully God is changing me.  Hopefully he is making more like His Son as I repent and ask Him to give me eyes to see those around me.  I can't wait to see what God has planned for Derrick Bennett Keene.  My prayer is that he will be used in a mighty way for His Kingdom.

I was very uncomfortable...contractions were moving right along..

I was having contractions when I went in to the hospital for my C-section.

Derrick and Geneva, our favorite nursery nurse.

Papaw and Nanny P.

Bonita, our favorite CNA wheeling us out to the car.

Derrick is ready for home.

 Hannah didn't know what to think at first.  Although she was super excited about the minnie mouse pillow pal that baby brother gave to her as a gift.

Grandmama's first look...she stayed home with Hannah while we were in the hospital.

 Derrick enjoying our first family devotion time before bed.

 Hannah helping Bryan put the pack and play together.

 Very curious of little brother...

 Hannah reading to Derrick...we were in Hannah's room, thus the pink blanket...

 Sibling love...

Handsome guy...

I wonder how long it will take for Derrick to catch up to brown bear?

Papaw K and Derrick

Grandma and Derrick

 First breakfast as a family.

Sweetness...

Enjoying some floor play with daddy and sissy...check out Derrick holding that head up already!

Hannah doing tummy time with little brother...

My heart melts...

Just hanging out together watching daddy catch some catfish from our pond and listening to some Alabama.